Revealed: The #1 Relationship Killer! Is Your Love Really Codependency in Disguise?

So, what are these behaviors? Off the top of my head, the three things I can come up with—I can only come up with three at the moment because I’m limited to 10 minutes in these videos—number one, very important, very common, is codependency. Codependency is a term used primarily in addiction circles where people facilitate other people’s addictions, so they become codependent with each other. Now, when you think of addiction, you probably think of drugs. Let me ask you a question: Are there any vices which are addictions? Of course, vices are things that you would consider not good. So, anything that’s not good, in which you are addicted or you demonstrate it repeatedly, consistently, and without intervention, you repeat it ongoingly, is an addiction. So, without needing to talk about drugs, can you be codependent in your relationship? Can people facilitate other people’s vices? They become codependent, and so the relationship style that I encourage you to have is what I refer to as co-independent relationships. Rather than you facilitate other people’s dependency on their addictions, you facilitate your partner’s independency.

Trapped by Love? The Surprising Truth About Ownership and Independence in Relationships

So, in relationships where there’s jealousy because it’s primarily based on jealousy, it’s primarily based on ownership. “Hey, you’re mine; you’re granted to me.” Tragically, they base their relationships on, “I grant myself to you exclusively, in exchange for your granting yourself to me exclusively.” And now we inevitably are taken for granted; we inevitably grant each other and inevitably feel taken for granted. So, they facilitate their partners’ dependency on them rather than facilitating their freedom, rather than facilitating the things that will actualize them where they need not be involved. You understand? When my friends come to me, and they need something, I find ways so that they can become independent of me, so they can facilitate those things, so they can do those things independently of me. Whether it’s I show them some resources, some videos that would teach them, or I do it myself and I encourage them to watch me, so they can learn how to do it next time they want to do it themselves. Or, I can help them do it, train them on it, and then they go do it themselves. I give them a hand up rather than a handout, so they can become independent of me. I don’t want them to rely on me; I want them to rely on me that they can depend on me. I don’t want them to rely on me that they can look to me whenever they need help because they can’t do it themselves. I want them to become independent, so whether or not I’m involved, they’re able to be free, they’re able to do, they’re able to become happy, and live a big life whether or not I’m involved. And so, this gives me a tremendous feeling that I’m involved in their life because they want me to be there, not because they need me to be there. There’s a huge distinction.

Are You Being Held Back? How Jealousy Secretly Sabotages Your Success and Health

Number two thing is discouragement. They discourage you from doing the things that actualize you, that make you happy, whether it’s pursuing a career, whether it’s pursuing something that you like, that you want, pursuing a hobby, whether it’s spending time alone for yourself, whether it’s spending time with your friends, things that actualize you. Actualization is when you’re doing things that get you closer to your goal. Actualization is bringing things into fruition; it’s actualizing the goal that you have in mind, the thing that you want, actualizing nearer and nearer until it’s fully actualized. The third thing is discouraging healthy behaviors, whether it’s healthy eating, a healthy diet, healthy mannerisms, healthy social behavior, discouraging them from it because of codependency, so they can become dependent on you, so that they can have no more options. Remember, always, jealousy is “If I gave my beloved choice, they may not choose me.” While me, I’m different. I encourage them to have more and more choices. In fact, I’m going to help them have more choices by becoming more healthy, eating better, developing healthy behaviors, healthy habits, becoming more successful in life, and doing things that are closer and closer to what actualizes them, whether or not I’m involved, and introducing them to people that would help them do those things, encouraging healthy habits, and healthy behaviors.