OLNR Bible: Mastering Unconditional Love & Open Communication, Chapter 1: Introduction
Introduction
Definition & Philosophy
OLNR is an acronym for Open Love Non-exclusive Relationship; a relationship based fundamentally on non-conditional love, and as a byproduct, having no requisite for exclusivity.
What Makes OLNR Different
The most important and fundamental aspect of OLNR is unconditional love – love which requires no additional conditions for its existence.
This type of love is different from every other format of relationship which brings a lot of presumptions with the idea of love, most commonly ownership [from property].
Hence, ‘Open Love’ is juxtaposed to ‘closed relationships’, defined as relationships where neither parties may explore romantic or sexual relationships outside of their primary.
In the context of OLNR, a closed relationship is based more on property (ownership and possessiveness behaviors as a byproduct) rather than love with how it’s defined:
“Love is your genuine desire and wanting for your beloved’s happiness, well-being and actualization.”
Therefore, anything which prohibits their pursuing their happiness and actualization regardless of their partner’s involvement or whether it’s on the same bed – i.e. jealousy, possessiveness, emotional blackmail, etc… are therefore demonstrations of lack of love.
We deeply hold that OLNR is the only format of relationship which can facilitate unconditional love, nonjudgmental acceptance, and open communication for these special reasons:
- Love is non-conditional. There are no added conditions on the relationship besides agreements and commitments individuals make after the fact. Individuals are in, and remain in, relationships because of love and no other obligations.
- Individuals can facilitate nonjudgmental acceptance – a dynamic between partners where they’re accepted entirely and completely for their individual characteristics, mannerisms and biologies. Neither parties ever have to pretend to be someone else.
- Open communication can be facilitated from this genuine dynamic of wanting for each other’s happiness and nonjudgmental acceptance. Partners can communicate completely transparently without fear of emotional or psychological punishment or blackmail.
Historical Context
Monogamy (one man to one woman), as the dominant form of relationship, is a very new phenomenon relative to our evolution.
Robert Sapolsky, a renowned biologist, neuroscientist, and certified genius in his field, suggests that we humans are neither polygamous or monogamous by nature. We’re somewhere in the middle. Because of this, our ancestors engaged in many formats of relationships, including:
- Polygyny: A form of polygamy where one male mates with multiple females. It has been a common practice in many cultures and is still observed in some societies today.
- Polyandry: Less common than polygyny, this involves one female having multiple male partners. It has been practiced in certain societies, though it is relatively rare.
- Promiscuity: In early human societies, individuals may have engaged in multiple sexual relationships without forming long-term bonds, which could be seen as a form of promiscuity or non-exclusive mating.
- Pair-bonding: While not strictly monogamous, pair-bonding involved forming long-term partnerships for the purposes of raising offspring. This strategy allowed for cooperative parenting and resource sharing, which could enhance offspring survival.
- Mate guarding and infidelity: Even within pair-bonded relationships, infidelity occurred, and strategies like mate guarding were employed to ensure paternity certainty.
These diverse relationship styles reflect the flexibility and adaptability of human mating strategies, influenced by environmental conditions, social structures, and evolutionary pressures. Over time, the development of agriculture and settled societies may have contributed to the rise of monogamy as a more dominant relationship style due to its benefits in terms of inheritance and social stability.
In other words, these relationship styles were practiced out of societal conventions and evolutionary pressures, instead of beginning from the premise of “love” as the central tenet of the relationship.
By instituting the 3 pillars of OLNR in your relationships, ensures the driving mechanism for the relationship dynamic is unconditional love.
Benefits Of OLNR
Because OLNR is clearly defined as a relationship format based on unconditional love and the arrangements resulting from that (rather than affection resulting from arrangements and obligations), there is no mistaking that OLNR is a relationship style compatible with those wanting to base their relationship on love.
Authenticity & Nonjudgmental Acceptance
You can communicate honestly without fear of repercussions, emotional punishment or psychological blackmail. You can be yourself. In fact, individuality is not only encouraged but insisted. Arrangements and commitments are agreed upon on a case by case basis instead of obligations being presumed.
Freedom & Personal Growth
There’s no limitations imposed within the relationship. Growth of each person is facilitated and supported whether or not partners are involved. Involvement of people in the relationships strictly exist because it merits its existence. There are no partners to remain in relationships out of obligation.
Freedoms are not only facilitated but insisted. This freedom and genuine desire for love for persons in the relationship facilitates their personal growth and development in every aspect of their life because there are no “growth lid” in the organization [of 2, or 3, or 4, etc].
Fulfillment & Emotional Satisfaction
Having no imposed limitations out of obligation facilitates each person’s fulfillment and emotional satisfaction by exploration and personal growth to pursue their actualization.
