So you can become faithful that your relationship will turn out well and that you will become successful in that relationship. There is a word we use on this channel a lot, and the word is “success.”

Understanding “Success” in Relationships

I want you to think about a couple of things. “Success” – the word – is not “a likely outcome”; it’s not “a favorable outcome”. Every definition you look up about success nowadays is a word that essentially means a favorable outcome, an outcome that you would like, or an outcome that’s perceived to be likable. But actually, the old and archaic (which means old and no longer used) definition of success is “outcome.” A success is an outcome, any outcome, regardless of whether it’s a favorable, likable, or not likable outcome, is a success. Just like a successor is not the favorable. It’s the next one down the line. A “success-ion” is a combination of things, one after the next, after the next.

The Dynamics of a Successful Open Relationship

A successful relationship is one that persists. It persists, and presumably, in the context that we talk about it and the relationship style that I teach, it persists because it merits to persist. It wants to persist. In other words, persons in that relationship want to be there, as opposed to what? As opposed to the conventional style of relationship, which is people are in relationships persistently because they have to be there. They’re obligated to be there, whether or not they like each other, whether or not they want to be there, whether or not they despise the person. They have to be there because of their legal obligations. The relationship I propose is one founded on love. It persists because they want to be there.

Love and Authenticity in Relationships

You’re not having sex with him because he’s the only person you could be having sex with. You’re having sex with them because you want to have sex with them. You’re sleeping with them because you want to sleep with them, not because it’s the only bed you could be sleeping in. In fact, you encourage them to have other beds they could be sleeping in and to have other people they could be having sex with. So it doesn’t sit right with you? Well, let me tell you one thing. You said that you want him to live an authentic life, a way of living. You want him to be happy. That tells me that you genuinely love the person.

The Role of Obligation in Love

Love, by my estimation, is your genuine wanting for your beloved’s happiness, intrinsically to your own. Whatever makes them happy, you want that for them. I want you to remember a time when you fell in love with a person. Let’s take away from now the notion that you were infatuated with that person. Let’s just say that you love them, you want for them to be happy. At that time, whatever made them happy made you tremendously happy. It made you glow. “Oh, that person’s happy. That feels really good. I really want that for them.” Until something inhibited that emotion. What is that thing? That thing that inhibits that emotion, that prevents that emotion of your genuine wanting for your beloved’s happiness, is obligation.

The Paradox of Sexual Freedom

So, you want him to be authentically happy. You want for his happiness. You want him to live an authentic life. Having sex with other people is incredibly important. It is incredibly primal. An open relationship does not mean “Let’s go around and have sex with as many people as we can.” I’ve been in open relationships for as long as I can remember, and I’m not going out there just having sex with everybody all the time. I do have a lot of sex, but it’s not about the sex. There are times when I don’t, or times when my sweetie doesn’t go out and have sex for long bouts, long times. I don’t go out and have sex with a lot of people for a long time because life is about a lot of things. There are a lot of things that happen in life outside of sex. Did you know that?

Core Principles of Open Relationships

So, what is an open relationship about? The open relationship aspect is about three things, at least the one that I propagate, which is genuine love, your genuine wanting for your beloved’s happiness intrinsically to your own. Anything that is jealousy, for example, anything that demonstrates against that, anything that’s not your genuine wanting for their happiness, is a demonstration of your lack of love. For example, they want to sleep with somebody they find cute, sweet, fun, and yummy at that time, and they want to hang out with them at night, in the same bed, looking at the same ceiling, and you don’t want that for them for no other reason than “Hey, you’re mine.” What is that a demonstration of? Your lack of love, your simply selfish wanting for their non-competition.