Understanding One-Night Stands

A one-night stand is a situation that could be romantic and is certainly sexual, where you have an encounter with somebody without presuming you’ll continue a relationship with that person. Typically, it refers to having sex with someone one time and then forgetting about them, without the expectation of building a relationship with them.

My Stance on One-Night Stands

I don’t have one-night stands. Let me share with you why, and let me share my philosophy and protocol for one-night stands. I’m certainly a person with the recognition and relationship style where I can afford and partake in a lot of one-night stands, much more than other people. So let me share what I do in that situation.

The Intimacy Model of Relationships

Why don’t I have one-night stands? The reason is, firstly, I follow the intimacy model of relationships. I’ll explain what that is in a few seconds, but essentially, it’s not worthwhile for me. I have enough experience and am jaded enough to recognize that it’s a waste of my time to interact with someone without the presumption of building a relationship or friendship with them.

Building Meaningful Connections

Let me put that in different words. I don’t have one-night stands because why would I waste my time getting to know somebody and only interact with them once? It’s not worth my time. I can be interacting with more meaningful relationships. Do you understand? I look to interact with people meaningfully because I live my life meaningfully.

Redefining Intimacy and Relationships

It’s not that I don’t have inhibitions or that I don’t have sex with somebody the first time I meet them; I do that a lot. It’s that I don’t waste my time with somebody with the presumption that I’ll have sex with them and then not build a relationship with them. However, it also doesn’t mean that just because I have sex with somebody, they’re going to be in a traditional relationship with me.

The Practice of First-Night Stands

Sex with somebody doesn’t equate to a relationship, but it is certainly the beginning of a relationship, whatever that looks like for me and them, for our particular dynamic as individuals. To make this even clearer, let me share my intimacy model of relationships. I go deep into the intimacy model and all my protocols for it in my course, “Successful Open Relationships & Polyamory.” It’s available via a link in my bio.

Developing Intimacy and Significance in Relationships

The intimacy model begins with the presumption that intimacy, the accurate definition, is how well you know the person. It’s not about being sensual, romantic, or sexual, as most people define it. When someone tells you, “You’re not intimate enough,” or asks about the kind of intimacy you have in a relationship, and you’re confused about what that means, consider this: intimacy is about how well you know the person, whether it’s personally, psychologically, historically, or physically, as in without clothes on, or sexually.

Choosing First-Night Stands Over One-Night Stands

So, with this definition, the way I operate my relationships and build my protocols is based on how well I know the person. Presumably, when I meet a new person, I understand that I don’t know much about them, and I’m going to get to know them the more I spend time with them. I begin to build intimacy during that time.

The Protocol for Building Meaningful Relationships

Why don’t I have one-night stands? Because I don’t have one-night stands; I have first-night stands. I don’t operate by interacting with people with the presumption that I won’t build a friendship or intimacy with them. Remember, intimacy is how well I get to know the person. We build more intimacy the more we get to know each other.

Adopting a Friendship-First Approach

As we build intimacy, they either become more significant or less significant based on how well I get to know them and our dynamic interaction. I’ll learn whether they become more significant or less significant, whether or not we have sex. For example, if we have sex and I like them as a person, they become more significant. If it turns out they’re not that interesting or they have some off-putting behavior, they become less significant.

Conclusion and Call to Action

So, what’s a protocol you can adopt? How can you think about this moving forward from now on, learning this philosophy? Make friends. Begin with the presumption that you’re going to make friends with people. Some of them will become significant to you, and some of that significance will be sexual, whether it’s the first night or sometime in the future. Make friends with people, get to know them as individuals. There’s no point in wasting your time getting to know somebody with the presumption you’re not going to continue getting to know them if they’re not more significant.

That’s the reason why I don’t have one-night stands. I only have first-night stands because I presume I’m going to continue the relationship if they become more significant to me. Share in the comments below if you have any questions or message me, and I’ll see you in the next video. Bye-bye. Share this with others; you’re helping make the world a better place for all of us.